weeeeeeeeeeean meeeeeee |
This is, well, timely considering the cover of Time Magazine a few weeks ago. For anyone living in a hole (or not currently embroiled in the breast.v.bottle debate), a feature was made about extended breastfeeding where this was the opening gambit image:
Cue Guardian journalists hurriedly hashing out jumbled up articles, debate flaring across the pages of mumsnet and friends on facebook superimposing each other's faces on the woman above (that was quite funny, I enjoyed it).
Off the back of a certan Guardian journalist writing aforementioned mismatched article, my closest mum-friends and I discussed our views on breast .v. bottle. Which are essentially the same - none of us are pro one and anti the other. We all believe there just ought to be access to all the information on both choices for all women, then all women should be supported no matter what path they decide. Three of us have chosen to breastfeed and are all currently breastfeeding, one of whom is into what in the UK is counted as extended breastfeeding her 14month old. The fourth chose to formula feed both her children from birth.
I exclusively breast fed Ethan until he was about 5 months old, when I introduced a dreamfeed of formula for similar reason for introducing it to Maggie. I remember clear as day sobbing over him while he gulped it happily down, feeling wracked with guilt and feelings of failure. Last night I just begged it to work. But the feelings of failure still simmer underneath.
I found it relatively easy getting breastfeeding going and have seen other struggle and suffer in order to breastfeed, to triumph after months of excruciating pain or to despair at their perceived failure at one of the great pinacles of early motherhood. So how come, compared to all these women, I dared to be so self indulgent as to weep over choosing to give my son one bottle of formula a day? Thankfully I've realised how ridiculous this is and this time am just praying to the formula gods that eventually this will make Maggie sleep longer again.
In the UK, I was often congradulated at breastfeeding Ethan until he was 9months. We stopped because he just suddenly refused - we were down to just one feed a day by that point and one morning he just pushed me away. And that was that. In the UK extended breastfeeding is counted as beyond 6months - I was aiming for 6months and was glad I'd managed to go a bit beyond it.
In LA almost every mother I know with a child under 18months is still breastfeeding. I don't know if some of them are supplementing with formula, but even the British mums here are thinking nothing of whipping it out for their darlings reaching and going beyond their first birthday. The fact that I'm surprised by this surprises me! Me - the homebirthing, anti-routine, on-demand parenting, breastfeeding, home-cooked-food weaning, wannabe-hippy mother is almost shocked that most mums I know in California are, by British definition, extended breastfeeders.
I'm not sure if I'm just very easily influenced - hmm, no, I know I'm very easily influenced. That or I have a big red button in my brain that gets pushed by evil gremlins every time something appears that might make me feel guilty about my ineptness as a mother. But this time I'm trying to bypass it, I am using the opportunity of living in a community that doesn't think breastfeeding beyond 6months is weird but also appreciating that I have a more than viable alternative. If I honestly believe formula is a completely fine option for one of my closest friends, how hypocritical of me to feel ashamed at giving it to my own babies.
I enjoy breastfeeding, I believe in the health benefits for my babies and me, it is free and easy. But my choice to mix feed is just as valid as any other. And the person who needs to accept that most is me.
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